To A True Friend

When it feels like my whole world,
Is crashing down on in,
I talk it out with you,
And it seems alright again,

Even when I come undone,
My emotions fall apart,
You help hold me together,
Shield my breaking heart,

Even though we're different now,
The gap between us wide,
With patience and understanding,
We've built a bridge between the sides,

Through the ups and downs,
So many things have changed,
But I find when I look closer,
Some things are still the same,

So through the good and through the bad,
One thing will remain true,
I am so very blessed to have,
A friend so dear as you.

Don't Give Up the Fight

Don't leave me alone,
As the walls are caving in tonight,
'Cause I just don't know,
But I don't want you to give up the fight,

And I think this is worth saving,
If we both keep holding on,
With God's help we can make things right again,
Though it's all going wrong,

But as the waves are crashing all around,
We can stand and hold our ground,
Holding on to what we know is true,
You know that we can make it through,
Just don't give up the fight,

Favor of God? Or compromise?

Since when did wealth and prosperity become the main sign of God's favor? Even the evil prosper materially. I would rather be poor in possessions and rich in spirit than poor in spirit and rich in possessions. The Bible says to count it all joy when we suffer and are persecuted for His name's sake. Jesus told the rich man to sell all his possessions and give the money to the poor. The early Christians had very little, but were bound together by a tighter bond than money could bring. What happened to that side of Christianity?
What happened to selfless love and giving until it hurts?
When did the church go so far trying to appeal to the world that it became like the world?
When did we forget our roots?
How did we get to the point of such compromise in our beliefs that we forget that we are to be in the world, but not of it?
But more importantly than the when....
How do we reverse it?
What are we going to do to change it?
The church needs a culture shift.

Hopeless Romantic

I've always been a hopeless romantic. For as long as I can remember, I have dreamed about falling in love, getting married, having kids, etc.
Sometimes though, I wonder if the dream is really worth holding on to. I mean, as I hold on to that dream I find my heart constantly searching, wondering about every guy I meet, "could he be the one?"
It is so bad sometimes that it becomes a distraction in my relationship with God, and that is the last thing I want.
My hear has such conflicting desires that it's driving me insane. I hate this restless feeling of searching. The wanting for something more. Especially when I know I should be finding fulfillment in my relationship with God. I long to love God with a passion far greater than anything I could ever feel. I long to be romanced by God and be so taken up in my relationship with him that at times the world would completely disappear. I long to love God with a love that is scandalous, so intense that I can cease to have even the slightest care about what the world thinks about my love affair. I want to love him so completely, and feel loved by him so completely, that all insecurity, self-consciousness, and social graces cease to matter.
So what is stopping me?
Life.
I feel bound by the chains of the mediocre everyday life.
There is school, and chores, and responsibilities, and natural desires that cloud my mind.
I want so badly to break free and live a life loving God despite these things, but somehow I can only manage a small fraction of what my heart desires.
Okay so I rabbit trailed there a bit... but now back to the original subject.
I want so badly to feel loved by another person. I long to have a life partner that I can be completely and utterly vulnerable with, share my deepest thoughts and desires with, and to know theirs as well. I long to have someone to share heart, body and soul with. Someone I can rely on as a spiritual partner in my relationship with God, to help me and keep me accountable.
I realize that this is not an unhealthy desire, but the desire is very distracting.
I feel like I was made to be a wife and a mother. I honestly do. But my heart is restless because of that knowledge... And its frustrating.
I know I should be content in my relationship with God, and I want to be, but I can't stop my heart from searching. I am trying to trust god on his timing, but it feels so hard.
I guess God is just teaching me a lesson on patience.
He knows better than I do what it is that I need, so I guess I'll just keep trying my best to trust Him....

Back and Forth

You see more than I know I'm showing,
About how I feel inside,
You catch me off guard, off balance,
Trigger instincts to run and hide,

Yet something more intrigues me,
In your strange, disarming air,
The mystery behind your eyes,
Entices me to stare,

You break through every barrier,
Like they aren't there at all,
Faster than I can rebuild,
Leave me feeling vulnerable,

Such a blend of mixed emotions,
Your presence alone creates,
My thoughts grow slow and clumsy,
And my common sense abates,

Why is it that there seems to be,
So much more than I can see,
A solid wall you won't let down,
From way up high down to the ground,

Though you laugh and joke and socialize,
I can see more depth behind your eyes,
Some secret kept well hidden away,
Black and white that's mixed to grey,

I can't tell where your heart lies,
The depth beyond those hazel eyes,
But I wish to see your very heart,
For you to let me see who you really are.

Unspoken

Many words are written,
That are never said or spoken,
Wishes and desires,
Secrets, to keep hearts unbroken,

Perhaps unsure in speech or manner,
But written firm and bold,
Such things that should be shared,
Hoarded as precious gold,

Insecurities bind the bars,
And act as lock and key,
While social graces turn deaf ears,
At the cry to simply be.

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So many different pictures to describe,
What stepping out in faith is really like,
But metaphors can't tell you how it feels,
When you step out of your comfort zone, and make it real.

Blessed and Loved

I had forgotten how much I loved writing until I started school yesterday. I have been writing a ton since then. It feels so good!
I have been growing so much lately in my relationship with God. I feel at peace for this brief moment. Life is going well, and I am so blessed to be where I am in this life. I have a wonderful/insane/crazy/fun bunch of friends and an equally wonderful/insane/crazy/fun family, who all love me so much. I go to a wonderful school, with dedicated, caring teachers. I get to worship my Lord and Savior every day, and learn more about Him every day. I am just so incredibly blessed!!
Anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and post a bit of the poetry I've been writing lately.

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Crash and roll, tidewaters flow,
Ripping in and out,
Rushing rapids carve the shore,
Changing rivers' route,

Claps of thunder reverberate,
As ominous dark clouds loom,
Flash of lightning blinds the eye,
But rain fills an empty tomb,

For death has died,
And hold no power,
On purest blood shed,
That holy hour,

For a power far greater,
Than any sea,
Created the greatest,
And the least of these.

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Loving you doesn't mean I won't cry,
It just means when I do, you're by my side,
Loving you doesn't mean it's not hard,
But that you'll hold me close when I'm falling apart,

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I can't help but wonder, every once in awhile,
At this feeling that I get inside every time I see you smile,
I push the thought aside but it comes back around,
As I try so hard to keep my feet on the ground,

Do you know what I'm feeling,
Do you see it in my eyes?
'Cause every time you look at me,
You catch me by surprise,

I can't see what you're thinking,
You're impossible to read,
And it seems with little effort,
You see right through me,

You are honest and straightforward,
Both noble traits indeed,
But I sense beyond the surface,
So much more than I can see,

I don't know where this is going,
Or what God has in store,
But I know I don't have to rush,
For Him to open up a door,

So for now I will be patient,
And we will just stay friends,
Waiting on God's guidance,
I'll be content with where I am.

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When I, in final judgement stand,
What will the measure be,
Of my life - how it was lived,
My standing legacy?

Will I look on with regret,
Of callings unfufilled,
Or will I see that I was true,
In following His Will?

What is it that I leave behind,
As I shed my mortal shell,
What kind of testimony,
Will my short life tell?


One of grace, forgiveness, love,
In imitation of my Lord?
Or one of selfish lust and greed,
In mortal riches hoard,

Now I ponder, Now I choose,
Now, while time have still,
To follow fleshly human wants,
Or commit to God's Will.