Waiting... And a very confused jumble of ramblings....

I am generally a very spontaneous person.

I like to make plans spur-of-the-moment, like going to a movie with a friend, or deciding to drive up to see my friends in Albany, on a Friday afternoon.I have always had a tendency to speak before my brain finishes the thought, which while it makes for some funny conversations, it can also get me into huge trouble, and sticky situations.

Sometimes my spontaneity is a fun, good, healthy thing. It keeps life interesting, an adventure. Other times, it gets me into trouble, like making big decisions rashly, or putting off responsibilities, all in pursuit of my random ideas and emotions. 

God has been teaching me lately to wait, to think things through, to pray, before I act, especially when my emotions are involved.

Emotions are tricky things. They cloud the mind, dampen inhibitions, and create a sometimes insane desire towards some kind of action. Welcome to the life of a teenager, where emotions are overflowing in abundance, along with hormones, stress, and insecurities, all while trying to figure out who exactly you were made to be, and how to become that person.

Emotions make it hard to hear God clearly. We often hear what we want to hear, or what we think we should be hearing, rather than what God is actually saying. This makes it difficult, if not next to impossible, to be sure just where you are going or what you are doing.

As a teenager, there are so many things the world is selling you. They promise happiness, fulfilment, joy, freedom, and absence of worries and problems. In the end, these are all empty politicians promises. They tell you the words you want to hear, so you will do what they want, become who they form you to be, and end up empty, just like them. The world teaches us to "do what feels good" and do what we want. The weird thing is, even after it turns out bad, time after time, no one seems to learn from the consequences.

Changing direction a bit here now....

In the Bible it says that God will give us the desires of our heart. This is because if it is a true desire of our heart, that means God put it there, so of course he will give us what he has put upon our heart to desire. A common misconception has been brought to my attention, however. While it does say he will give us the desires of our heart, it does not say he will give it to us immediately, right when we want them. 

This has been the struggle for me lately.

I am an impatient person, who can often act on impulse. It is very hard for me to wait and be patient, especially if it is for something I want so very badly. I am also a curious person. If I have an unanswered question, I will be driven insane until I fin the answer if it is something that matters to me.

God has been challenging me to wait more, pray more, and to be patient. He has been challenging me to trust him with my past, present, and future, to just relax and let him take control, trusting that he will work things out whether I am aware of it or not.

I am beginning to realize that God doesn't need my help to orchestrate my life how he wants it to be. I just need to do my best to glorify him with my life, and trust that he will take care of me. If I am focused on him, everything else will fall into place without my help. I don't need to worry, because worrying doesn't accomplish anything anyway. I just need to give it to God and wait on him for the rest.

Easier said than done, right? 

Very true, but it gives me something to go off of, to work on, to focus on.

I don't need to know the future, or what God has planned for me, until it happens. After all, life would be boring if I always knew what was going to happen. Maybe that's why I'm so spontaneous. 

Truly though, it is the waiting that is hard. I have these desires, and the extreme desire to move forward, to act on them. I want so badly for high school to be done, to start a new chapter of my life with college, or LIT, or whatever it is God tells me to do. I want to move forward in so many ways, to have an impact on my world, to bring people to Christ, but God still says to wait.

I heard a quote once that said, "The essence of youth is the state of being over-anxious and under-wise."

This is very true about me. The only reason this does not completely apply to me, is that I am wiser than I should be for my age, only by the grace of God for putting amazing adults in my life who guide me to make wise choices, and God himself also guiding me through his Word.

Reading over this blog, it is a very unorganized jumble of thoughts....
I guess the point I am trying to make here is that trusting God is the best way to go, even when it's hard, and that's what I'm learning to do. =)