Lately I have been feeling stuck.. Stuck, and overwhelmed.
I have so many friends who are going through tough situations right now, and I want so badly to help them all, but I can't. There are too many, and not enough of me.. It seems like even when I have an opportunity, and I try to help, it doesn't even make much of a difference.... Like pushing up against a brick wall... Sure, you're doing something, but it doesn't mean the wall is going to budge an inch.
I don't know what to do.. I try to pray every night for all of them, but there are so many, that either I pray a "blanket prayer" and feel like I cheated, or I fall asleep before I can pray for each one individually.
I try so hard to do everything I feel like I should be doing, and I pray for God to give me the strength to do them, but somehow... It's like there is never enough time... And I get so overwhelmed it makes me want to just ignore it all... And et I can't, because my heart breaks for each person and their struggles..
I am just so utterly exhausted. I don't know how Paul or any of the other apostles did it! I try so hard to give my burdens over to God, but they keep dragging at my shoulders, again and again. Often they aren't even my burdens, but the burdens I carry in my heart for each of my friends and all they are going through.
I feel like I am failing... I can't handle this on my own, so I try to ask God to help me through... Yet often I still feel like I'm about to collapse under this great weight on my shoulders...
What am I doing wrong?
I feel like I am not good enough.. Not strong enough... Not beautiful or talented enough.. And I know they are lies from the pit of Hell, but yet I cannot help but feel like there is some truth to them..
Everywhere I turn it seems like I am inadequate.
I'm not talented enough to pursue music beyond a local scope.. I'm not even good enough on guitar to lead kids worship by myself.. I know I could be... but I feel like I'm stuck when it comes to that... like I have plateaued in my musical skill, and I am as good as I will be able to get unless I devote my life to it, which I have neither te time nor the desire to do so completely.
I'm not strong enough to bear this weight with a joyful attitude like I should... I too often get easily discouraged by the smallest things.. All these little things pile up so quickly and hold me back from all that i could accomplish.
I'm not beautiful enough to catch the eye of any guy I would actually be interested in.. (though apparently every other guy seems to notice when I would rather they didn't.... That makes things complicated) I know that this shouldn't be an issue, because the man God has planned for me will obviously notice me.. But that doesn't mean it still doesn't lower my self-esteem when a guy who I might be interested in doesn't give me a second thought in that way.
I'm not disciplined enough to do everything I am expected to do, by my family, by my teachers at school.. Even by myself. I know there are so many things I should be capable of doing, but I lack the organization or motivation to do them.
All these "not good enough's" weigh down on me, make me feel heavy and depressed.. I try so hard to give them up to God, or to ignore them, but still they plague me, nipping at my heels like hungry wild dogs... They wait for me to break down, so they can overwhelm me even more...
I don't know where to go from here, except to continue to pray... And hope that things will change for the better, soon.
I have so many friends who are going through tough situations right now, and I want so badly to help them all, but I can't. There are too many, and not enough of me.. It seems like even when I have an opportunity, and I try to help, it doesn't even make much of a difference.... Like pushing up against a brick wall... Sure, you're doing something, but it doesn't mean the wall is going to budge an inch.
I don't know what to do.. I try to pray every night for all of them, but there are so many, that either I pray a "blanket prayer" and feel like I cheated, or I fall asleep before I can pray for each one individually.
I try so hard to do everything I feel like I should be doing, and I pray for God to give me the strength to do them, but somehow... It's like there is never enough time... And I get so overwhelmed it makes me want to just ignore it all... And et I can't, because my heart breaks for each person and their struggles..
I am just so utterly exhausted. I don't know how Paul or any of the other apostles did it! I try so hard to give my burdens over to God, but they keep dragging at my shoulders, again and again. Often they aren't even my burdens, but the burdens I carry in my heart for each of my friends and all they are going through.
I feel like I am failing... I can't handle this on my own, so I try to ask God to help me through... Yet often I still feel like I'm about to collapse under this great weight on my shoulders...
What am I doing wrong?
I feel like I am not good enough.. Not strong enough... Not beautiful or talented enough.. And I know they are lies from the pit of Hell, but yet I cannot help but feel like there is some truth to them..
Everywhere I turn it seems like I am inadequate.
I'm not talented enough to pursue music beyond a local scope.. I'm not even good enough on guitar to lead kids worship by myself.. I know I could be... but I feel like I'm stuck when it comes to that... like I have plateaued in my musical skill, and I am as good as I will be able to get unless I devote my life to it, which I have neither te time nor the desire to do so completely.
I'm not strong enough to bear this weight with a joyful attitude like I should... I too often get easily discouraged by the smallest things.. All these little things pile up so quickly and hold me back from all that i could accomplish.
I'm not beautiful enough to catch the eye of any guy I would actually be interested in.. (though apparently every other guy seems to notice when I would rather they didn't.... That makes things complicated) I know that this shouldn't be an issue, because the man God has planned for me will obviously notice me.. But that doesn't mean it still doesn't lower my self-esteem when a guy who I might be interested in doesn't give me a second thought in that way.
I'm not disciplined enough to do everything I am expected to do, by my family, by my teachers at school.. Even by myself. I know there are so many things I should be capable of doing, but I lack the organization or motivation to do them.
All these "not good enough's" weigh down on me, make me feel heavy and depressed.. I try so hard to give them up to God, or to ignore them, but still they plague me, nipping at my heels like hungry wild dogs... They wait for me to break down, so they can overwhelm me even more...
I don't know where to go from here, except to continue to pray... And hope that things will change for the better, soon.
Oh, Kimberly!
ReplyDeleteIf the guy you like doesn't think you are pretty enough, he's not a guy you want to be with anyway. A guy who has beauty as his primary factor in choosing a mate is a shallow man who would hurt you deeply and leave you for another if he found somebody he liked better anyway.
As for feeling burdened, if there is nothing you can do, stop worrying about it! Just entrust it to God. Feel confident in His grand schemes which are bigger than you can see. Sometimes that does mean pain for people, and that can be hard, but in the end, it's better to keep hoping that His plans for us who love Him are more magnificent than any outcome we could hope for. And your trust and hope in His plan will grow your faith in the midst of all the turmoil!
As for your guitar, don't worry, you are so young, and you will have time to work on it later! Maybe you should take a break and don't put so much pressure on yourself, just listen to other people's music and just play as you enjoy it. Remember, the most important person to reach with your music is God. If nobody else thinks you are good, it is still a wonderful thing if you play because you love Him and you want to praise Him. Any fame on earth will pass away, but praise to God endures forever. So keep that as your main motivation and don't sweat it.