Fear of the Unknown

I have a decision to make.

I think I know the right way, the way God wants me to go, but I keep second guessing myself.

I keep wondering, "Well what will people think if I do that?"

And, "I don't want to disappoint them."

But why do I care so much about what other people think?

If it is truly the right thing, truly what God wants me to do, then I shouldn't!

If they really care about make, their opinions wouldn't change, and they would trust that I'm only doing what God wants.

And if I am doing what God wants, even if it means hurting others in the process, I should be confident that even though I'm hurting them now, it's for the best, because God works all things together for good.

So why am I still struggling???

I am so frustrated with myself and my emotions that I want to scream and cry all at once.

This is one point in which I wish I could bring back that numbness, and be hard, just temporarily, so that I could go through with things without struggling.

I know what direction I need to take, but like a skittish horse I shy away because I don't want to get hurt, or hurt others. I don't buck or rear, because I don't desire my Master to get off my back, I simply shy away from doing what he wants.

I suppose my relationship with God really is a lot like the one between a horse and it's rider. God has saved me from the wild desert, brought me into his stables, and given me food and water. I gratefully submit to the bridle and sadlle, and even let him get on my back and ride, directing me where he wants to go.

Inside the corral, where I feel safe, I let him do whatever he wants, even daring to fly over the jumps, but the second we step outside of the corral, I get nervous. Staying on the trails, I still deal with, even if I get a bit uneasy, but it's when he asks me to step off the path I know that I shy away and stubbornly refuse to go on out of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of those sharp blackberry bushes that infest either side of so many trails here in Oregon

An older, more experienced horse, who has known their master for a long time, recognizes his voice, and trusts his direction would step off the path without hesitation. This one, however, even knowing the master knows best, still fears the unknown. Especially right now, because some of the unknown, actually is known, and it isn't exactly a pretty picture.

I know God sees what is beyond what is in my line of sight. Sure, I have to pass through some tall thick bushes, and get hurt, as well as hurt others, but on the other side God knows if there is a green pasture, or a clean clear brook.

I just need to take a step of faith. Step off the path, and trust my Master.

I just pray I have the strength and faith......