It's late Christmas Eve, and I am sitting up in the living room, watching Christmas specials, and surfing Facebook. All the Christmas specials I am watching have an element of romance in them. This has caused so many different trains of thought to go off in my head.
At first, my heart aches. My heart longs to share itself with another in an intimate way. I long to be romanced, sought, fought for, valued deeply by a godly man. I feel the pang of loneliness sharply. I want to have someone to cuddle with in the cold, hold hands with walking down the street, even someone to kiss under the mistletoe. This feeling often becomes more apparent at night, especially during the holidays. Of course it's not like I don't have options. These days it seems like quite the opposite. I have a line of potential suitors at my door, were I only to say the word. But... Something isn't right. All of the guys are amazing young men. Godly young men. There isn't a thing I could honestly say against them for the most part. Yet something stops me from allowing any of them to pursue me. I have ended up gently stopping each of them, luckily saving the friendships. I don't understand it, but I just can't let them. I don't know whether it's out of fear of getting hurt, fear of hurting them, or some sort of warning God is giving me, but I keep waiting, though for what or whom I do not know.
Shortly after that train of thought, follows a much less corporeal track. I wonder at the amazing grace and mercy God has given me in my life. I am so blessed to have the amazing friends and family that I have. I have so much to be thankful for...
God truly has shown me such amazing grace in my life... He saved me from a downward spiral and pulled me into His arms. He comforted me when I was hurting, and healed me from a wound so deep I thought it would never go away. God has sought after me in a way that I never could have dreamed up, yet it is still so easy to forget sometimes... I truly want to be in love with my God and Saviour with the passion I see in so many who are longer in the faith than I. I want to sacrifice it all and live completely to honor my God, but everyday life seems to pull my attention away so quickly...
I guess all I can say is I am so glad that I serve a loving and forgiving God who takes me just as I am. =)
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