The number one thing that comes to mind? My school. I have to have an abundance of patience and self-control on several levels there in order to survive intact. I get so incredibly irritated and frustrated at the level of immaturity. This, of course, makes me an automatic target for all of their comments. They say things trying to either provoke me, or to pull me into their immaturity. It has taken an incredible amount of self-discipline in order to get to the point where I can reply gently, not out of irritation, and still maintain maturity. I must admit I am still no where near perfect on this, but I have gotten to the point where I can tolerate much more before getting truly irritated.
I feel so impatient to end this chapter in my life, to be done with high school, and to [hopefully] find the man God intends for me. I realize I should be savoring each moment, that I will miss it once its gone, [well.... maybe... I can't imagine missing this right now though.] but right now it just feels constricting, like I'm stuck in a small, tight place. I'm beginning to feel suffocated, like I can barely breathe.
This winter, as all Oregon winters, has been dreary beyond belief, and this year, it feels especially depressing. The sky itself feels like it's going to close in on me and swallow me whole. I feel like an optimist drowning in a sea of pessimism... For that matter, I am an optimist fighting depression. [how ironic]
God truly is the only thing keeping me afloat these days. He is my life raft in a sea of death, depression, pessimism, immaturity, impatience, and loneliness... I guess I still have a lot to learn... Life is hard, but hard is good. As much as I hate it, hard makes me stronger, builds character, and shapes who I will become. I guess that's why God gives us hard stuff in this life. [duh]
God, thank you for not letting me drown.
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